BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY Page 8

  It was said with envy for Carries parents had a strong solid marriage and after almost thirty five years together a lot of love.

  “They are still so in love. I thought that would be me and Rob… I thought we would have forever”

  “Carrie three years or thirty five years you were loved and loved in return. That’s why you are hurting so much. That’s why it isn’t fair. You are mourning your loss of your dreams my darling girl”

  For once the tears fell but not with the ache that they usually did. She missed him so much.

  “I feel so empty Belle.. I miss him.”

  The following day Belle had managed to get Carrie an appointment at her salon. Belle was going to have a manicure and pedicure whilst Carrie was returned to a semblance of normality. She looked through a magazine but had already dismissed a change in style. This was wrong. She shouldn’t be here and could feel panic pooling in her stomach. Breathe Carrie, breathe she coached herself.

  “Hello.. now now now what have you been doing to your hair? It’s shocking! Have you cut your own fringe??? That’s sacrilege! Along with all these split ends! I think you are in need of the full Mario rescue treatment.” Her hair was fluffed and pulled in all directions.

  Carrie bolted. She shot out of the chair still with protective wrap around her clothes and made for the front door. OMG, OMG, OMG!

  “Carrie!” Belle shouted chasing after her. Her feet already in the little pedicure slippers.

  “I’m sorry Belle.. I can’t breathe .. I just can’t do this.. I need my bag .. I have to get my medication.”

  “It’s okay Carrie, come with me.” Belle coaxed softly.

  Slowly they returned to the salon and the manager discreetly showed them to one of the treatment rooms for privacy. Belle left the room to collect Carries bag and speak with the owner.

  “I’m sorry Tony. My niece had a sudden bereavement and is still very upset. Give me a few minutes with her and we can try again. Oh and a glass of that whisky you have in your desk wouldn’t go a miss!”

  Belle returned to the room and Carrie was breathing normally again.

  “Are you okay? Here’s your bag.”

  Carrie found the tablet and a bottle of water.

  “This is so embarrassing. Im so so sorry Belle. I just panicked. I’m mortified!”

  There was a knock on the door and Belle was handed two glasses of whisky.

  “Here this will help .. Carrie we all have to take first steps. Just like a new born.”

  Carrie sniffed at the liquid and let it burn the back of her throat.

  “Jeez Belle ..” she coughed.

  “Now let’s try again if you think you can … time for some baby steps!”

  Carrie agreed and sat back in the same chair. She apologised to the stylist.

  “That’s okay .. just as long as you don’t run off when we finish! I really don’t think my ego could handle that!!! You are in safe hands here, time to make you look fabulous,”

  They agreed a colour to banish the roots and trim to tidy the locks.

  Two hours later they left the salon. Carries hair was transformed. The locks healthy and shiny looking.

  “Thanks Belle for doing this with me.”

  “That’s what Aunties are for!”

  Belle had plans for the morning and Carrie decided on some retail therapy. She wanted to browse the shops and pick up some gifts. She walked along the many shops of Bank Street, passed cafes and restaurants. Stopped off at a coffee shop for her cappuccino fix and resumed her mostly window shopping. A little gift box ticked most of the boxes for her gifts. Devon clotted cream fudges for her Dad a must for his extreme sweet tooth despite his profession as a dentist. The family indulged in this as he was notoriously difficult to buy a gift for. A couple of boxes for her work colleagues as it was an unwritten rule that on return from holidays sweeties had to be provided. But it was the butterfly sun catcher that caught her eye. The glasswork of the wings swirls of blue and turquoise with tiny glass beads making up the border. It was on display with the sunlight catching the crystals and Carrie was mesmerised. Her family knew she had a fascination for butterflies since she was a child and would buy her gifts with a butterfly association. She hadn’t seen anything like it before.

  “They are all individually handmade”

  “It’s beautiful ... I love the colours cascading over the window”

  “We’ve had a lot of interest but it more of a speciality piece. I only updated the window display yesterday”

  Carrie looked at the price tag £95. Wow for a sun catcher it was a bit pricey but the glass was full of detail.

  “I’ll take it”

  She watched as it was carefully dismantled; wrapped in bubble wrap, tissue and boxed.

  “I have other items that the artist has made if you are interested?”

  Carrie was looking through the selection of scented candles which she bought frequently. Removing the lids and smelling the different scents.

  “Yes, please .. what do you have?”

  Leaving the shop with two large carrier bags Carrie wondered how she would safely get everything back home? Sun catcher, boxes of fudges and a specialist teething toy for Harry she had added to her butterfly collection with little plaques with different coloured butterflies for her Mum and sister. Shopping complete and a tick in the box.

  “Excuse me, miss, excuse me!”

  Carrie turned round. It was a woman pushing a pram who had been looking at the same teething ring as Carrie.

  “Yes?”

  “Look I’m sorry to bother you .. I was going to speak to you in the shop but then you might have thought I was crazy!”

  “Can I help you?”

  “It’s more that I need to help you!”

  “I don’t know you from Adam .. look I have an appointment to go to”

  “Yes, yes,” she appeared to be speaking to herself. Yip loony tune! “Carrie! Stop!”

  “How do you know my name? I haven’t seen you before”

  “My name is Sheena and in the middle of Bank Street it is a bit strange for introductions. Do you mind if we go to that café across the road? I’m dying for a cuppa tea”

  Carrie knew she should walk away and not look back. She didn’t know this strange woman but something inside her said stop, to stop and listen to what she had to say.

  “Okay ...” she found herself agreeing to go to the café and follow this woman.

  Five minutes later they were settled in the café and a mug of tea in front of each other.

  “I’m sorry to ambush you like this. I don’t usually accost strangers in the street, honest I don’t”

  “Well if it’s any consolation I don’t usually allow myself to be ambushed!”

  “Here me out but I have to speak to you. I’m a spiritualist medium. When you walked into the shop I was actually finished shopping and planning on leaving. Luckily this little one has been sleeping soundly” She sat patting at the baby in the pram and pausing as she took a sip of the tea.

  “I don’t think this is for me” Carrie began to gather her things to stand up.

  “Please hear me out.” She pleaded and placed a hand on Carries arm.

  “I have a message to tell you. It’s from Rob. He said he’s sorry”

  “How do you know this? Why are you saying these things?”

  “Carrie, I only pass on what spirit want to tell me. Your Rob is very persistent! How else would I have known your name? He kept talking to me in the shop, wanted me to pass this message on to you.”

  “I’m sorry, this is too much for me” Carrie could feel the tears burning her eyes.

  “I won’t keep you. It’s not my intention to cause you any upset. Please just listen to me for a second more. He was insistent that I tell you he’s sorry for leaving you. He promised he never would.” Carrie sobbed.

  “Please no more, I have got to go; this was a crazy thing to do, I can’t do this,”

  “I understand really I do, i
t’s a lot to take in, and all I can do is pass on what spirit wants to tell me. Just one more thing Carrie; he says watch out for the butterflies”

  “Now I know you are making this up. You saw me in the shop, what I was buying. I was in there for ages. What do you want from me? How can you be so cruel?” She slung her hand bag over her shoulder.

  “I’ve heard it all before Carrie. Don’t be afraid. He says the butterflies are in the book, the lighthouse book, look at it properly, he says it will help you and show you the way”

  Carrie stood up and practically raced out of the café hearing the validation of the lighthouse book. There was no way she could have known that. But Carrie couldn’t listen to Sheena anymore. Her fragile state urging her to run.

  “And the shiny pennies are from him, it’s his way of letting you know he’s still around, pennies from Heaven as the song goes!”

  Tears running down her cheeks she didn’t know how she made it back to her Aunt’s house. Belle found her lying on the bed when she returned. Her face once again puffy and eyes red from crying. Incoherent when she tried to explain what had happened. The lighthouse book lying open next to her.

  “What the hell? Carrie, darling what’s wrong?”

  Belle had thought that after two weeks with her that Carrie was returning to the woman she was before grief took over. Yes the crying spells were still there but not as frequent was what she had secretly reported back to her sister. Getting Carrie to the hair dresser was a major milestone in her recovery. But now?

  Time for another glass of brandy and a recap of this afternoon’s events.

  “There Belle look ... page nine a butterfly, page 23, 37, 51 and so on and so on!” she said stabbing her finger at the open book. “Why didn’t I see them before?”

  “Carrie, calm down. I could throttle that woman!”

  Carrie reconstructed the events of that afternoon. Her shopping trip, the butterflies and a cup of tea with a stranger.

  “She told me … he’s sorry, the butterflies and the pennies ... I find pennies everywhere. I just thought people don’t care much for coins anymore and are careless. Flinging them away. I even found one when I got here!” she rambled on.

  “Listen Carrie, enough.. stop this right now!”

  “I’m sorry Belle .. I just want him back and how can this be true? I shouldn’t have ran away. Maybe she had something else to tell me?”

  “Oh darling, what she said does have a ring of truth, he did love you and would never have wanted to leave you but you have to let this go! Bloody charlatan!”

  Carrie sipped at the brandy until the glass was empty. She could feel her eyes starting to droop.

  “Time for bed”

  Carrie was coming to the end of her stay in Newquay and would return home in a couple of days. She had been more subdued after her encounter with the medium. The visit with Belle had given her a chance to do some thinking away from people who knew her. Away from pitiful glances or words of comfort. The daily walks along the beach had been therapeutic. There was something about the ocean that soothed something deep inside her. Calmed her soul almost and she would miss those walks. There wasn’t much call for the ocean in the middle of a housing estate. Maybe she should think about moving. Move to somewhere that she didn’t expect Rob to walk through every doorway or be lounging on the sofa or see his shoes and jacket in the porch.

  “My treat darling, I’ve booked us afternoon tea tomorrow at The Headland Hotel.”

  You couldn’t visit Auntie Belle and not visit the Headland for afternoon tea. They had created this tradition over many visits.

  “Oh lovely. I did wonder if we would manage to sneak a visit in this time”

  “Of course darling. I wouldn’t dream of you going back home without a proper afternoon tea! The table is booked for 3pm”

  “That’s great but it’s my treat and no arguing!”

  The Headland Hotel dominates the landscape in Newquay, it’s been on TV and films. Being over one hundred years old it still had the mix of modern and old.

  “Mmm this looks yummy!” The cake stand presented to them had a selection of finger sandwiches, home baked scones with jam and clotted cream. Little cakes, fancies, shortbread and macaroons.

  They had a pot of tea and soon made headway into the delicate sandwiches.

  Carrie filled Belle in on what had been happening at Claire’s house. The noisy neighbours making her life a misery and the good news that Ryan was working.

  “She’s stubborn your sister … just like your Mum. When she digs her heels in there’s no moving her”

  The scone was soon nothing but crumbs on Carrie’s plate.

  “Oh what a sugar rush … I won’t eat for a week when I get home!”

  “None of that girl! .. you could do with some meat on your bones.”

  The cake stand was slowly depleted of is culinary delights and they finished off the dainty macaroons with glasses of champagne.

  “Promise me Carrie that you will try and move on. I’m not telling you to forget about Rob but find something to interest you. Something to keep you busy. A hobby or join a club or anything but staying at home on your own!”

  “I feel like I am betraying him. But I don’t want to go on without him Belle”

  “What?”

  “No .. I’m not going to do anything silly. I don’t have any interest to go anywhere and the thought of socialising with anyone … eurghhh” she shrugged.

  “Okay.. but you know I’m here for you and you are welcome to stay here anytime”

  “So changing the subject … where are you off to next? What’s lined up for Belle Hamilton?”

  “I might do some work for the Devanti Group. I’m staying on with the Forest team for the moment to help with the transition. They’ve asked me to consult but I’m waiting on a contract first.”

  “So what’s he like in real life? You know .. Devanti? Did you swoon because according to the newspapers and magazines all women swoon?” she mocked.

  “He is very charming, very clever .. doesn’t let any detail pass him by .. oh and sexy! Yum yum”

  “Belle!”

  “I speak the truth! Those chocolate brown eyes … mmmm hmmm … Very charismatic and taken by all accounts with that supermodel Lea .. oh she popped up here and there during the talks but wasn’t in the board room or anywhere near the business side of things .. probably shackled in the bedroom!”

  They ordered another bottle of champagne and a tipsy couple of hours later returned to the apartment.

  Carrie insisted that Belle not accompany her to the train station. She wanted to say her goodbyes to her Aunt in private.

  “Don’t be silly. I can manage on my own and you know I’m no good with goodbyes.”

  Her little case was filled to capacity, Rob’s ashes safely returned to her handbag along with the shiny penny she found that first night. The lighthouse book was tucked away in the suitcase as she couldn’t bear to look at it just now. The gifts she had bought in a large bag.

  She hugged Belle tightly and tried to hold back the tears, successfully this time!

  “Thank you Auntie Belle for having me and being there. I really appreciate it. It’s been lovely and I’ve chilled out.”

  “Anytime darling, anytime. You will let me know when you get home?”

  “Of course I will”

  Carrie returned to the station and to begin the repeat of her journey home. This time she was also laden with a paper bag from the deli with a sandwich for later. The deli was the source of the morning croissants and other pastries that Belle had provided. Belle had hospitality in her veins Carrie joked. She had some magazines for her too for the journey and a little bag of cookies for Carries sweet tooth.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Carrie soon returned to a routine. Her family were pleasantly surprised that she had been to the hair salon and could say that the first time in months she looked well. After spending so much time on the beach her skin had developed a healthy g
low. On the outside she looked like her former self but on the in-side? That was an entirely different matter.

  Her mind was on an action replay of what ‘that woman’ had told her. She couldn’t look at the lighthouse book and shoved it away in a drawer. But that didn’t stop her eyes scanning for pennies which now seemed to have dried up. She took the day off work for Rob’s birthday. Funny how she tried a resemblance of normality for her own but gave up trying for Robs. This was one day she didn’t want to be at work or at home. She drove out to Loch Lomond to walk through the national park and along the shoreline. A place they visited many times together. This was where she felt closest to him, not at home or their shared workplace. The breeze was ruffling her hair as she closed her eyes and spoke to him.

  “Happy Birthday my darling, wherever you are”

  There was a squawk of a bird and the trees bristled as the wind picked up. Leaves rustling and branches swaying. But something caught her eye in the middle of all the movement. A single yellow butterfly.

  It was dark when she made her way back home exhausted with the emotions of getting through another first.

  The report was due later that morning and Carrie worked through the columns that required feedback. Almost there, a final check and it would be ready for publishing. But since her return to work eight months ago her work required a final veto from Fiona her boss. She tried not to take it personally but apart from the mix up with the Groves order very little had occurred that would require her still to be monitored. Enough was enough and she was determined to raise it with Fiona. She clicked the icon to print. The phone rang distracting her from going to the printer to collect the paperwork. There was no rush she would get it after her call.

  The last few months had been particularly hard for Carrie but she had almost completed that first cycle of firsts. Christmas and New Year had almost broken her. The office Christmas night out after being badgered for weeks to go to, she declined. She knew she was completely alienating herself from her friends and colleagues but couldn’t put a stop on it. The anxiety medication that she hoped to be free of she was still taking. Palpations seemed a daily occurrence. Her parents were worried sick about her and booked a lodge away for the Christmas and New Year festivities. It was their attempt to remove Carrie from the reminders of the previous year. Carrie declined joining them for Christmas despite their every request and attempts at emotional blackmail!