BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY Read online

  Number six Bluebell Gardens was what would be described by estate agents as the perfect family home. A small estate of around a dozen homes which had all been snapped up within days of going on the market. They had picked a detached four bedroom house with cream carpets throughout it had bathrooms, cloak rooms, reception space, and utility room. A large open plan living room, kitchen and dining area. It ticked all the boxes for the modern family. It even had a large garden. They had only looked at a couple of houses before Carrie had fallen in love with their house. It was going to be their forever home. They had lived together in Rob’s city centre bachelor flat for a year or so before they got married and Carrie knew what she wanted. But now it was time to move on from city centre living and head for the suburbs.

  “What were you thinking girl by getting cream carpets?” her Mum had bemoaned.

  “Its’ just the two of us so it’s not like it’s going to get that dirty” she justified the choice.

  “Why not? Do you now hover instead of walking like the rest of us? Carrie for twenty four years you lived with us. I give those cream carpets a month before there is a disaster of some sort”

  They had decorated the house in cool, clean, modern tones that they liked. A large L shaped cream leather sofa with lots of soft cushions that Carrie contrasted with touches of red in the main living area. Twenty three cushions in total that she shook and smoothed back into place every night. She had a fluffy deep rug across the space between the sofas and a moulded plastic effect coffee table always accompanied with her stack of magazines. The smooth edges of the table was even family friendly when Harry was visiting. The large flat screen TV took up most of the space opposite the sofas along with all the remote controls for the gadgets that Rob had. The living area led off to the large dining table that could easily seat ten or more and they had on occasion squeezed in a lot more than that. Folding french doors opened up to give the room more space onto decking and the outdoor area of the back garden. Lastly again the kitchen was decorated in glossy white with the cabinets concealing the dishwasher and fridge. A small utility room to the side containing all the washing essentials. An island station with the hob but room enough to sit around on the bar stools as they did many a morning to have their coffee or read the weekend newspapers. It was a sociable kitchen. A space where they could entertain but not lose the flow of the conversation with their guests. Carrie had her own TV room downstairs to retreat to when Rob was watching sports or just when she wanted to catch up on a book or a little me time. This room reflected more of her personality decorated in a French provincial style of creams, greys and white. The sofa you could sink into with a small foot stool that ran the length of the sofa. A large window gave views of the back garden, lending light into the room in the spring and summer. When Rob travelled she would sit in this room rather than the large living area. On the bureau she had an assortment of photographs displayed. A visual timeline of their life, well so far.

  Rob was a sales director at AGM and one of the founding members of the company she had now left or was that fired from? She hadn’t figured that bit out yet. They met at a training day of all things and she thought him, sporty, a bit arrogant and just a little bit too old for her. At 5ft 6’ she was average height neither petite nor tall, long brown hair that she wore poker straight with a blunt fringe and clear grey eyes. But he told her later that she had curves in all the right places. They were quite opposites. Not her usual type at all.

  He was stocky built from playing rugby towered above her at 6ft 4’ tall. Her head would rest on his broad chest and he would wrap his arms around her. He had muscular arms that made her feel so safe and secure. She missed that feeling so much.

  She had only been working with the company for a few months and didn’t know who everyone was. People looked different from the company profile pictures dressed in their casual clothes. At break time she grabbed a coffee and sat at one of the tables unaware that she was sitting in the ‘management zone’ and chatted away with the directors. Completely oblivious to the looks being given in her direction by the rest of her team.

  She didn’t know but back then Tina had marked her card “Watch that one … thinks she’s better than us … sitting over there with the big bosses. Not a look in our way. Does she think she’s too good to sit with us?”

  Team Building events were hellish and after trying to build egg box towers and debate who you would rescue first in the event of a moon crash landing she was ready to go home and soak in the bath. Somehow she ended up agreeing to a date with Rob. They had made a connection over egg box towers whilst she had tried to glue drinking straws together to make a raft and avoid gluing their fingers together. How this contributed to team building she never knew. She looked into his blue eyes, eyes that were always smiling and said yes to a date. There was no going back from then.

  She liked going out with her friends, getting glammed for the evening attired with fake bake, nails and even lashes. She only wore one layer of lashes as she didn’t want to look like two spiders had landed on her face despite the attempts of her friends to add more. But she was only 23 years old almost 24 and he was ancient to her in her reasoning; well 35 when they met. But there was something about him that made her feel giddy even more so than normal if that was possible. Somehow they clicked and very soon Carrie and Rob were an official grown up couple. The real deal was the general consensus from everyone. His job as the sales director gave opportunities to travel and they shared this interest. Carries Aunts job in hospitality had given the Reynolds family plenty of travel opportunities too throughout the years. After dating a few weeks she introduced him to her family. A bit wary of her Dad’s reaction to the age difference but she couldn’t have been more wrong. He was welcomed into the Reynolds brood and a mutual love of rugby sealed the deal.

  He told everyone at their wedding that he fell in love with her smile and that wasn’t artificial. Those gleaming white teeth were the product of hours of brushing and flossing having a dentist for a father. No cavities were acceptable in the Reynolds household. Marriage matured her in her behaviour as she cut back on the girly partying and focussed on trying to be her version of the perfect wife. Her mum took her aside and taught her a few basics as her cooking efforts weren’t quite up to scratch.

  “Rob loves to cook but sometimes I want to make something other than the ‘ping’ noise from the microwave or a meal for two from the supermarket when it’s my turn”

  Cooking disaster number 1 - Mum’s Shepherd’s Pie

  “I followed the recipe to the letter but it doesn’t look right”

  The phone in the crook of her neck whilst she tried to rescue dinner and spoke with her Mum. Pots and pans cluttering every kitchen surface. Flour streaks on her face and hair. She quickly put the phone onto hands free.

  “It’s sinking Mum … the potatoes are sinking!” panic rising in her voice.

  Later that night, Rob good naturedly shuffled dinner around the plate.

  “So what’s this called Luv?”

  “It’s my Shepherd’s Pie ... Can’t you tell?”

  “That’s what I thought it was”

  But home baking was a different story. As a child she had stood side by side with her Mum baking fairy cakes and making lots of messy time’s memories. It was the best of fun. She had a love of baking and a surprizing light touch when it came to making birthday cakes or cupcakes. She had been known to even bake bread. Although sometimes the kitchen would look worse for wear after her baking chaos; the results more than made up for that. Every birthday for her sister she made her red velvet cupcakes, Claire’s favourite. It was their tradition.

  It wasn’t difficult working for the same company. With Rob’s job he travelled frequently and day to day in the workplace their paths rarely crossed. They had discussed it when their relationship was getting serious but she still wanted to stay in her job not change companies. If things got awkward between her colleagues then she would look for another position. But
for the moment things remained the same. She could still go out with her work colleagues and just be Carrie; not Rob from sales wife. Her customers loved her, she had built a rapport with them and they knew she was married to one of the directors but could never quite believe that it wasn’t some sort of joke because she was one of them. No airs and graces as a directors wife; she was just Carrie.

  They hadn’t been living in the house for more than two months eating their breakfast and talking about their plans for the day. “We have the McMasters Dance tonight. The tickets have been on the board for the last month.” It was a company do and was more or less compulsory for all the execs to go to with their partners or plus 1’s. ”But I can’t go... I’ve not got my fake bake done! I am as pale as a ghost.” she panicked.

  He glared at her in response. “Bloody hell Carrie, I think you can go to this without looking like you fell out of a tin of Ronseal”

  Without time to go to the salon Carrie opened the home tanning products that she had used with ease hundreds of times in the past. But this time it was with disastrous results. She had picked up the wrong bottle and had selected the tan for darker skin. Her skin had a base colour left over from their honeymoon and with the darker product it was starting to streak the colour of treacle. She forgot all about the cream carpets and later brown foot prints would appear as they developed in colour as she ran from room to room in panic looking for something to rescue her skin. An hour later she emerged from the shower a wrinkled mess but still the tan remained on her legs. Then she noticed the footprint indents in the carpet that was starting to develop.

  “Mummmmm…. I need your help!”

  Her Mum to the rescue but no amount of bleach could save the carpets or dilute the effects of the tanning product.

  Rob predictably hit the roof.

  But his anger faded when he saw the patchwork streak of tanning product all over her legs.

  “Hey Tiger!” he nicknamed her for her legs had an affinity for a certain breakfast character.

  She sobbed and sobbed “I can’t go out looking like this!” The classic little black dress she had planned on wearing mocked her from the hanger and she rummaged through her wardrobe for something more suitable. So that was the year she wore a tuxedo to a black tie event. Legs covered in black satin trousers to hide the ‘tiger’ streaks. The jacket she wore with a very sparkly necklace and nothing else.

  “Can I take your jacket Madam?” They asked at the cloak room.

  “You’d better not or they will arrest me for public indecency”

  Rob had bought her the little stuffed tiger as a memento of that home tanning effort. The cream carpets where slowly replaced throughout the house for more suitable flooring – a more Carrie friendly flooring.

  Carrie and Rob had a big house so most family parties, BBQ’s were held there. The house was always full friends dropping over for any sporting occasion on the TV like football, tennis, and rugby. They had even watched the super bowl final. On paper it looked like Carrie had it all the husband, the house, the fancy car and a job she wanted to do. But she wanted more. She wanted a family. A little baby Rob or Carrie. They had been married two years when she first broached the subject. Rob would put her off – “Not now Carrie, we’ve got plenty of time”

  It didn’t stop her feeling gut wrenchingly happy but jealous when her sister announced she was pregnant with Harry. There was a time when her sister and Ryan had even considered IVF as they had been ‘trying’ for a few years to have a family. Carrie felt the pain for her sister as her own desire to have a child increased. She knew it would take some time to turn Rob around into making it a priority for them. Naturally they were asked to be godparents to baby Harry and Carrie thought this was when Rob began to waver on waiting for the right time.

  New Year’s Eve 2012 and all the family gathered for a big party. Rob had bought a bottle of her favourite champagne and they sneaked off into the garden. They could hear the countdown from the TV linked to Big Ben.

  10... 9 ... 8... 7... they clinked glasses ready to toast in 2013... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1

  “Happy New Year!”

  They heard the cheers through the house and kissed in celebration.

  “You know what Mrs Davies? Mrs Reynolds-Davies? The answer is YES! Let’s go make a baby!” He made a play of saying Reynolds-Davies as he always did. When they agreed to get married Carrie was adamant in saying she was keeping her maiden name. After all she had been Carrie Reynolds all of her life, it was who she was and she was not changing. Plus it did have a nice ring to it. She screamed in delight as he spun her round and round, making her giddy.

  He had finally relented – agreed to try and 2013 was going to be their year! Maybe this time next year they would have a little one with them of their own.

  Crying, laughing, kissing. That was how her sister found them a few minutes later and took the picture that she had framed on her desk.

  It captured the best of times and the beginning of her heartache.

  January was quickly followed by February for them and Rob still couldn’t shift the flu. He blamed their New Year celebrations once everyone had left for catching ‘man flu’. Baby making not on his agenda. Carrie had found a website that could predict their most fertile time to try and conceive. Her periods thankfully were regular as clockwork. She had already put the dates in her diary and was planning a weekend away for the two of them all in an attempt to boost their chances of conceiving. She had discussed this at great length with her sister asking her opinion as the ‘older’ sister guru on all things baby making.

  “Carrie don’t get caught up on it all like I did. Just take it easy. That’s the best advice I can give you.” Carrie was not convinced this would help. “Or why don’t you just go away for a holiday? You know, sun, sea and all the other words beginning with S!”

  So they cuddled on the sofa, watched TV and made plans for their future. Watched a discovery channel program on the lighthouse’s of New England of all things. She put the spread sheet aside and closed her diary. Tucked it back in her bag along with the entire How to Guides for getting pregnant, boosting your fertility and baby names book that she had purchased. There would be plenty of time for baby making later.

  It was Spa day and in ‘respecting other guests’ her mobile was on silent – so she didn’t see the missed calls tally increase to double figures as it was tucked away in her locker. Her mum and sister were with her for a Mother and Daughter day. They had already worked their way through facials, hot stone massages and had stopped for a glass of bubbly planning the activities for the afternoon. She was close to her sister Claire despite their five year age gap as Carrie was the surprise baby to the family. They had no major disruptions over the years. By the time Carrie could officially borrow clothes or make up Claire had already left home so no arguments over that. Their parents didn’t have much to referee between the sisters but it wasn’t without incident. Claire favoured the athletic build of their father. Taller than Carrie but they shared the same dark brown hair of their father. That’s were their sibling similarities ended. Carrie was as curvy as their Mother but Claire was the opposite. Whilst Carrie wore her hair long, Claire had a short bob. Claire’s hair was glossy and she usually wore it to the side, sometimes accompanied with a clasp. Carrie envied her smooth locks as hers could be wild at times. They both had their fathers clear grey eyes the gene pool of their parents split between them.

  The spa had provided afternoon tea and Carrie was working through the delicate petit fours and other yummy delights they had offered. All washed down with their version of ‘champagne’.

  “Have things settled with your neighbour?”

  Claire was living in a large flat with a husband and baby they were gradually outgrowing the space. It was an area close to the city and university but most of the surrounding properties were converted into student accommodation. Great when they were child-free but not so much now.

  “I’ve spoken to the landlord an
d he says he will sort it. I’m not holding out much hope there. Another weekend of parties and I will need to call the police. Harry is still teething and I think the last time I slept through the night was 2009!! … Life before babies eh!” She took a sip of the bubbly and lay back on the lounger. “Oh this is bliss”

  “Why don’t you move back with your Dad and me? We’ve plenty of room and you could look for somewhere else?”

  “Mum, thank you again for the offer, but it’s just not practical for the three of us to move in. Something will work out. It’s not as if we’re not homeless or anything like that. Our lease is up for renewal in a few months. Anyway if the worse comes to the worse we could always move in with Carrie and Rob. That would give them a real taster of having a toddler in the house.”

  “Oh Claire Bear” her childhood name for her sister “Anytime, plenty of room at ours. Why don’t you and Ryan go away for the weekend or something and me and Rob will have Harry?” The conversation changed to the plans for the afternoon’s but before they could agree there was an interruption.

  “Mrs Reynolds-Davies?”

  A feeling of dread swept over Carrie. The Spa manager was standing next to two police officers and had escorted them through the swimming pool reception area to the loungers. Carrie stood up – automatically tightening the belt on the towelling robe, wrapping the belt over her fingers until the circulation was sure to stop.

  “Yes, that’s me”

  She didn’t faint, didn’t scream, and couldn’t even remember moving but somehow the words they said began to sink in.

  “Car crash ... Fire brigade... fatality ….died at the scene.. Sorry... sorry... sorry for your loss”

  Then a jumble of arms holding her as she fragmented.